Part 1

The power that words contain can only affect those who allow these same words to define them. These words that we allow to define us will either help us for the better or for the worse. Words can be versatile depending on how one speaks and interprets them. A word that is mainly used in the literal sense will have a different meaning in a relationship. 

To reflect on gaslighting, I have unintentionally gaslit my younger brother during various instances as we were growing up. Most of the time, I would blame my brother for something he didn’t do, and he would call me out to prove his innocence. I will snap back and say, “Name me one time that I actually did it in the past.” Now, all of a sudden, his memory goes blank. During that moment, I undermined his feelings of innocence by proving that I was not guilty of the action that I, in fact, committed. To me, it may have seemed that I wanted evidence to prove something, but to my brother, it probably felt as if the whole world was against him in that moment. Semantics and pragmatics can distort reality to achieve manipulation and control over another person. I wanted to control the situation in my favor so I would not receive any blame for the mishaps I had when I was younger.

A time when I was encouraged was by my SAT tutor. Months of studying for the SAT, I scored a 1240; my target was a 1300. My tutor said something along the lines of “you are almost there at the breakthrough.” I was someone who believed in “The Indominatable Spirit.” So when I first read the email, I felt as if a limiter had been removed, which would allow me to score a 1300. My tutor could have lashed out at my poor performance, but he knew the potential and encouraged me to do better. I managed to squeeze out a 1290 only because I forgot my calculator for the math portion. Words of encouragement have great benefits as they bring out one’s potential to its full limit. 

Words can either have the power to bring harm or heal our inner selves. Being aware of what words to use will help us develop relationships based on trust rather than toxicity. “If words have power that can control another person, then I must use that power for good rather than evil.”

Part 2

A time someone gaslit me was when my former childhood friends tried to dismiss them, making fun of my parents’ occupations. I was not present, but my parents told me about it when they were done grocery shopping. When I confronted them, they claimed that my parents were lying, denying, and disregarding everything. I was a middle schooler who barely had any friends, besides my childhood group, so I thought, “Should I ignore my parents’ words or lose my only friends?” About two weeks later, they admitted to making fun of my parents, but all I could do was laugh it off, even though they did not apologize. 

If I were to reframe this situation with words of encouragement or comfort, it would be words of an apologetic tone. It would go along the lines of “We are sorry for making fun of your parents, and denying it when you confronted us about it. We promise not to hurt or dismiss your feelings.” This is all I would say if I were confronted with making fun of someone’s parents.

This language would’ve comforted me rather than me feeling dismissed. If I had just known the truth then, I would’ve accepted their apology instead. But because they thought it would be a joke, I couldn’t see them the same, as they would look down on me after that incident.